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22 October 2010 @ 04:24 pm
poem-ing  
time was
i was considered gregarious
convivial
expansive
though more and more
i find i like
to be more solitary and anonymous
here
here's where i'm happy
reading a book and eating a muffin in the corner of my coffee shop
dozing off in the hammock under the giant maple
on the floor of my husband's office in mid-creation with a canvas or notebook on my knees
in a huge and faceless crowd like
the throng at a fireworks or
the crush on the subway platform or
the mob of a real city street
maybe i'm coming into an inheritance from my father
who is like a thing found
at the tops of deeply forested mountains
like a bear
or a wizard
alone and gruff and bigger than life
or maybe it's a more aetheric inheritance
from my boy who died
who was like a fluffy persian cat
moody and discerning and aloof
who didn't often say
i love you
because we knew who he loved
they were the people with whom he sat
like a cat
he scratched or ignored or abandoned people he didn't love and
lay calmly and quietly with those he did and
i've tried
jesus christ
i've tried
to be better at expressing my intentions than that
to be better at communicating my affections
but
i tend to blurt when I try
and any intelligence with which i was blessed
runs from my head like
soda through a sieve
but i want to try
so i blurt
I REALLY LIKE YOU
out of no where or
YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY TODAY SO YOU MUST BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS LOOK GOOD AT THE TIMES WHEN
gasp
YOU FEEL GOOD AND WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED YOU LOOK SLOGGY SO YOU MUST BE IN A GOOD MOOD BECAUSE
YOU LOOK PRETTY TODAY
not stopping when i ought to
hearing myself and not able to shut up
going on well past when the person i
love
is uncomfortable and not in a petting mood but
i'm trying
jesus christ
i'm trying to tell you
i love you
but i seem to have inherited some bear-ness or some cat-ness
and i'm no longer good with people
i'm better at being alone
solitary or anonymous
but
sometimes
i'd rather be with you
and i waned you to know
that's what i'm trying to say
so
when i leave my coffee shop or
the floor of my husband's office or
wander out of the crowd i'm swimming through or
climb out of the neighbor's borrowed hammock
and stare at you for a minute
and then blurt with embarrassment about your hair or
my heart or
how well we work together
understand that i've forgotten how to be convivial
and i'm trying to say
my friend
i love you
my friend
and that's all
 
 
 
High Priest of Half-Baked Autodidactism: blacksankaku_atama on October 22nd, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
Likey. :)
Andromachebeansidhe on October 22nd, 2010 10:10 pm (UTC)
thankee. :-)
ersatzpixieersatzpixie on October 23rd, 2010 02:39 am (UTC)
I like this. a lot. and I read through the whole thing without stopping or glazing over. which is amazing for me because I tend to have a Poetry Block.
Andromachebeansidhe on October 23rd, 2010 02:47 am (UTC)
Oh. Thank you. :-)
Padiwackpadiwack on October 23rd, 2010 01:23 pm (UTC)
Lovely!
Andromachebeansidhe on October 23rd, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Ruthie. :-)